Some people don’t use the word failure. As a clinical therapist, I tell patients to use the word “feedback” from life, instead of failure.
What is the meaning of our experiences? What do they mean to us? What purpose do they serve?
Thanks. Dr. B
The problem is failure might be a great teacher, but it is also a cryptic one. Figuring out its lessons is no easy task, especially when we’re still nursing a bruised ego and swimming in frustration, disappointment, and demoralization, not to mention the occasional embarrassment, resentment, and hopelessness.
To be able to learn from our failures, we need a way to decode the “teachable moments” hidden within them. We need a method for deducing what exactly those lessons are and how they can improve our chances of future success.
The following guidelines will help you analyze your failures and identify specific issues you need to correct when pursuing goals or tasks going forward. In all fairness, they will require some thinking and soul searching, so feel free to give yourself a little time to recover from the emotional blow of a fresh failure before you begin.
1. Reevaluate your planning: How much time did you spend planning the best way to achieve your goal or task before you started? How much thought did you give to anticipating hurdles or problems that might arise and to figuring out how you would handle them if they did? The vast majority of us spend little if any time on this kind of planning, despite the likelihood of our running into obstacles and unexpected circumstances. In the future, make sure to plan your general strategy, consider potential setbacks, and figure out how to overcome them, before you begin.
2. Reevaluate your preparation: Here again is a step too many of us skip despite it being a rather crucial one. For example, consider someone whose goal is to get healthy by joining a gym and going three times a week. Her plan can easily get derailed if the babysitter cancels and she has no alternate childcare arrangements. Preparing backup childcare ahead of time would allow her to get to the gym more consistently and to get into the habit more easily, which in turn will increase her chances of persisting toward her goal.
As another example, consider how often we begin diets without stocking the house with healthy foods and getting rid of unhealthy ones. In the future, make sure to prepare by putting elements in place that increase your likelihood of success and minimize the likelihood of setbacks.
3. Reevaluate your execution: Was your effort consistent, or did you experience lags in your work ethic, motivation, or your general mindset? Go back and assess when and why any drops in effort occurred. Identifying when you got demoralized or demotivated, and which external circumstances derailed your efforts, will allow you to anticipate such events and plan how you to address them in the future (for example, by building in special incentives at critical junctures and brainstorming ways to manage external disruptions).
4. Focus on variables in your control: Failure can make us feel passive and helpless and lead us to believe that we’ll never succeed no matter what we do or try. However compelling such feelings are, they are no more than perceptual distortions — tricks our minds play on us after experiencing failure.
The truth is, we always have more control over things than we realize. For example, we might feel despondent if we failed to get a promotion because our sales figures did not measure up for the third year in a row. We tried harder than ever before yet even our best efforts were not sufficient — what more can we do?
We could take a workshop to beef up our sales skills or a seminar to improve our presentations. We could become more knowledgeable about our clients, spend more time cultivating relationships with potential customers, improve our networks, cultivate stronger relationships with management within our company, or figure out other ways in which we could take initiative and prove our worth, all of which are in our control.
As long as you know where and how to look, failure can indeed be a great teacher. These four guidelines are always the first place to start your search, as within them you are bound to find valuable lessons that will help you succeed in the future.
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Researchers from Sahlgrenska Academy and Lund University analyzed more than 1.5 million words that appeared in Swedish newspapers in 2010, and found that while “people” words — like you or me, grandmother, and proper names like soccer star Zlatan — tended to appear with the Swedish word for “happiness,” “thing” words — like iPhone, millions and Google — did not.
“It’s relationships that are most important, not material things, and this is in line with other findings in happiness research,” study researcher Danilo Garcia, of the Sahlgrenska Academy’s Centre for Ethics, Law and Mental Health, said in a statement.
Researchers noted in the study, published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, that the findings mirror a “collective theory of happiness” — that is, what society generally agrees brings happiness.
“This consensus influences the content of newspapers and recursively feed the collective theory of happiness itself,” the researchers wrote in the study.
Indeed, a past study in the Journal of Consumer Research also suggested that things won’t make us happy when we need a boost. That study showed links between materialism and loneliness, with more materialistic people reporting increased feelings of loneliness, and more lonely people reporting increased feelings of materialism.
GPS Guides are our way of showing you what has relieved others’ stress in the hopes that you will be able to identify solutions that work for you. We all have de-stressing “secret weapons” that we pull out in times of tension or anxiety, whether they be photos that relax us or make us smile, songs that bring us back to our heart, quotes or poems that create a feeling of harmony, or meditative exercises that help us find a sense of silence and calm. We encourage you to look at the GPS Guide below, visit our other GPS Guides here, and share with us your own personal tips for finding peace, balance and tranquility.
Fans of the comic section look forward to the morning paper for a little dose of happy in the form of sketches and word bubbles. Peanuts have continued charming fans from the paper’s comic strips to the big screen. Creator Charles Schulz expressed ideas about the meaning of happiness through his own writings as well as the dialogue of Charlie Brown, Snoopy and the rest of the gang. Scroll through this guide to discover the words of Charles Schulz that will keep you smiling all day long.
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