#boise #idaho #spirit #mindfulness
Here’s why: Trolling Facebook does nothing for me, but trolling Pinterest ignites my creativity.
I’m not alone in my addiction to my distraction devices. True confession: I’ve been in the presence of my dearly-loved and much-missed college-age daughter and found myself clicking through spam on my phone.
I only get to see her every month or so, yet my impulse to check and click was so strong that it overrode rational behavior.
My sister, who works in a large office, said, “If I go to the bathroom and forget to bring my phone, I’m annoyed and anxious because now I have nothing to do.”
It would be great to go cold turkey, but the reality is most of us are going to continue grabbing for our devices. But at least we can be somewhat intentional.
Below are the three criteria for wasting time on the Web. Think of these like a nicotine patch. You’re not giving up your drug. You’re weaning yourself off it with a different delivery system.
Use these three filters to maximize your distraction time:
1. Chose life-enhancing info
Reading the headlines may make you feel informed, but at a certain point you’re no longer adding to your intellectual acumen, you’re just trolling. Instead start poking around sites that will jumpstart your brain waves.
One place I love to waste time is on TED.com — “Riveting talks by remarkable people, free to the world.” The short video talks run the gamut from provocative to informative to funny, often all three within 12 minutes. TED.com is a favorite on my Nav Bar. It’s my favorite go-to procrastination technique. I find myself referencing Ted Talks in my conversations with clients and my kids. Use the web as a shortcut for fun, painless passive ways to make yourself more interesting.
2. Prioritize beauty
For me, beauty is a business value. I don’t expect myself and my colleagues to look like supermodels. But I’ve come to recognize that surrounding myself with aesthetically pleasing objects and being intentional about creating aesthetically pleasing spaces affects the way I think about myself and how I experience life.
One of the reasons I love Pinterest is that I find myself smiling. When I look at all the beautiful homes, flowers and clothes it calms me and energizes me at the same time. If you’re going to surf, choose sites with visual imagery that ignite your frontal lobes.
3. Converse with big thinkers
Have you ever been annoyed or even irate over a stranger’s comments on the web? The Internet is the great equalizer, anyone can comment on anything. The problem is, all people aren’t equal. Some people are smart and thought-provoking, while others are stupid and rash.
A friend of friend of mine says, “Why should I care what the thousand dumbest people with Internet access think?”
Just because 500 people have a strong opinion about something doesn’t mean that they represent a significant portion of public opinion. Reacting to them gives them power they don’t deserve. That doesn’t mean you should insulate yourself. Smart people expose themselves to different thinkers, the operative word being thinkers.
The web gives you the world in your pocket — explore it wisely.
(c) Lisa Earle McLeod
Lisa Earle McLeod is a sales leadership consultant. Companies like Apple, Kimberly-Clark and Pfizer hire her to help them create passionate, purpose-driven sales forces.
She is the author of several books including Selling with Noble Purpose: How to Drive Revenue and Do Work That Makes You Proud, a Wiley publication. She has appeared on The Today Show, and has been featured in Forbes, Fortune and The Wall Street Journal. She provides executive coaching sessions, strategy workshops, and keynote speeches.
For more by Lisa Earle McLeod, click here.
For more on emotional wellness, click here.
We females have a particular tendency to do this when we don’t really listen to what our man is saying or assume he is going to change. Do any of these sound familiar? “He doesn’t want to have children now, but I’m sure he will in the future.” “He says he doesn’t want to settle down, but he just hasn’t been in the ‘right’ relationship.” “He may not be financially responsible now, but that’s because he just hasn’t ‘found himself’ yet.” Stop the sugarcoating and look the tiger in the eye. Face truth.
My therapist held my feet to the fire and had me face the music. Not in a harsh way… think of it more as tough love. Keeping it real. Seeing things as they really are, instead of pretending not to see the truth of the matter.
One of my mentors, the sage psychotherapist Dr. Ron Alexander, suggests to always ask clients what they are NOT saying. What do they consistently choose not to talk about or bring up in a session? In relationships, this is the white elephant in the room. What are you and your partner not talking about? What is the nagging feeling that keeps gnawing at you, but you don’t know how to approach or you simply don’t want to bring it up for fear of what’s on the other side.
Many of us (especially women) suffer from the disease to please. We tend to sugarcoat challenges in our lives, particularly in our relationships or work, and pretend like things aren’t really bothering us (“It’s not that big of a deal…”) or are better than they really are. We tend to ignore our true feelings and pretend we’re not really hurt, afraid, confused or we push away our authentic needs. This creates a layer of insulation and fluff around what’s really going on and it holds us back from true happiness and what we really want.
In yoga, the aim of our practice is clear perception — to see things exactly the way they are. Not better or worse. No need to embellish or shirk away. We perceive events, relationships, people, even our own thoughts with clarity. We develop discernment, known as viveka. Viveka is the key to unlocking the third eye center, which is our command center of intuition, clarity and empowerment. It slices through illusion, delusion and confusion. We get clear on who we are and what we want and in so doing, we develop the courage to take the next right step — clearly stating our needs, asking for what we want and tackling difficult conversations head on.
Here are a few steps to help you break the habit of sugarcoating and get to the heart of the matter:
1. Tune into your body.
The body never lies. When pondering your real desires or sitting in a conundrum, take a moment to feel into your body. Are you getting a green light, yellow light or red light? Do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable? Anxious? Agitated, irritable or unsettled? These are indications that something is not being addressed and is making you feel “off.” Take note. Listen to the signals you are getting and notice exactly when you and around whom you are feeling discomfort.
2. Tap the Unconscious Mind: Before Bed + Upon Waking
We have the most access to our unconscious mind right before we get out of bed in the morning and as we’re drifting into sleep at night. When we straddle the space between sleep and wakefulness, the no man’s land in the groggy early morning, our mind’s still have access to the deeper realms of truth. Let yourself hover in the hazy fog while you slip out of sleep and pause there, noticing what comes up. This is one of your most direct through lines to intuition and offers real insight to what’s brewing underneath the surface.
3. Take a quick personal inventory.
Take three minutes to answer these two questions — stream of consciousness writing, pen to paper, no thinking or editing, just let it flow:
What I really need is…
What I really want is…
Writing taps the right brain (artistic, creative, intuitive, non-linear). Adding a physical action (pen to paper) helps trigger the underlying, intuitive, non-linear thoughts to flow out. Giving them a space to live outside of your brain helps to unravel protective measures and let the unconscious know that it has a rightful home and is respected and cared for.
4. Have faith. Speak the truth you are feeling.
Like anything, the “disease to please” and the resulting sugarcoated life is a habit. Break this habit by simply telling the truth. First to yourself, then to others. Take the clues you received in steps 1-3 and state them out loud. Do you have a nagging feeling that it’s time to end a relationship? Move to another city? Take space from a sibling, parent or friend?
Have faith that when you speak the truth, however big or small, you are moving toward authentic, real happiness. You are building the muscle of discernment (viveka) — seeing things as they really are and acting accordingly. More importantly, you are sending a message to your core self and your unconscious mind, that what lives there in the still, small place within is valid, important, relevant and deserves to be heard. As the muscle builds, you will hear, see and act from this truth more quickly.
For more by Ashley Turner, click here.
For more on emotional wellness, click here.