Bishop T.D. Jakes On Family: ‘You Need To Learn How To Love Imperfect People’ (VIDEO)

Bishop T.D. Jakes On Family: ‘You Need To Learn How To Love Imperfect People’ (VIDEO)
If you wish your family looked like the Huxtables, the Bradys, or any other “perfect” home on television, Bishop T.D. Jakes says you’re missing the point. He joined Oprah onstage for a two-part episode of “Oprah’s Lifeclass” and discussed what he says is the true definition of family.

Family is “God’s way of introducing us to a socialized environment,” he says in the above video. “It is where we, on ground level zero, begin to find out how we act and interact with other people. Ultimately, it becomes a support group for a life-long journey.”

Bishop Jakes says it is important to remember is that no family is perfect. “It is not about getting your family to look like some image you saw on TV,” he says.

We have a tendency to look at our own problem-filled home and think the family across the street has it better. “When in reality they’re probably crazy too, they just mask it a little bit better than you do,” he says.

Bishop Jakes says there is no such thing as a perfect family. “It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be flawless. It doesn’t have to be what you had in mind. You can”t control it. But it is a gymnasium for love to work out in.”

“Whoa, Tweetable moment,” Oprah says. “A gymnasium for love to work out in.”

“That’s how love works out,” Bishop Jakes further explains. “That’s how you learn to love crazy people,” he says with a laugh. “That’s how you learn how to forgive. That’s how you learn your people skills.”

Just like the body needs weight and resistance training, Bishop Jakes says love needs metaphorical exercise to become stronger.

“You need to learn how to love imperfect people,” he says. “Because if you succeed at loving imperfect people, then it becomes plausible that somebody could love imperfect you.”

“Oprah’s Lifeclass” airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on OWN.

Steven Pressfield, ‘The War Of Art’ Author, Talks About The Things We Resist Most In Life (VIDEO)
Bestselling author Steven Pressfield says he believes we all have the ability to do something spectacular, whether it be to run a marathon, write the great American novel or become an entrepreneur. However, he says, there is an internal force — resistance — we first need to overcome.

“I think that Resistance, as I define it with a capital R, is that negative force that arises whenever we try to move from a lower level to a higher level,” Pressfield says in the above clip from “Super Soul Sunday” on OWN.

Reaching for a higher level, Pressfield explains, “elicits this equal and opposite negative force.”

In his new book, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, Pressfield writes what he calls “resistance’s greatest hits.”

In the video, Oprah reads from the list of activities that most commonly elicit resistance:

The launching of any entrepreneurial venture or enterprise, for profit or otherwise

Any diet or health regimen

Any program of spiritual advancement

Any activity whose aim is tighter abdominals

Any course or program designed to overcome an unwholesome habit or addiction

Education of every kind

The undertaking of any enterprise or endeavor whose aim is to help others

Any act that entails commitment of the heart: The decision to get married, to have a child, to weather a rocky patch in a relationship

“That, too?” Oprah asks, referring to the commitment one.

“Absolutely,” Pressfield says. “Because you’re trying to move from a petty, narrow ego-based point of view to someone grander. You’re trying to get to your nobler side.”

Pressfield goes on to explain that by moving away from the ego, he means, “To be generous. To be kind. To be open to love,” he says.

“I think Wayne Dyer had said this on an episode,” Oprah says. “The ego is literally edging God out. It’s when you’re putting yourself first and only thinking of yourself.”

“I would agree with that,” Pressfield says.

Super Soul Sunday” airs Sundays at 11 a.m. ET on OWN.

Be Fearless: Conquer Your Fear of Flying
Many patients see me for help conquering their fear of flying. This fear, unlike other fears, can be difficult to avoid. As a result, the impact on people is significant. I’ve had patients who have fits of vomiting days before their anticipated flight and I’ve known others who load up on anti-anxiety medications to calm down before the flight. This fear, if left untreated, can have a profound impact on people, as they may avoid vacations and business trips. This can affect a person’s career and even their relationships. The good news is this fear is treatable. I recently had the opportunity to speak with Captain Tom Bunn, one of the world’s foremost experts on fear of flying. What’s unique about Captain Bunn is he isn’t just an airline captain, but also a licensed psychotherapist and former Air Force jet fighter. His unique approach to treating fear of flying has helped over 10,000 formerly-anxious flyers and can be found in his new book SOAR: The Breakthrough Treatment for Fear of Flying.

Here’s some of my conversation with Captain Bunn:

How did you become such a fearless pilot?

In the Air Force I flew the F-100. It was the Air Force’s first supersonic jet fighter. It was not a safe airplane. One-third of the F-100s built crashed. Over 300 Air Force pilots were killed flying this plane. Anyone who flew the F-100 and wasn’t afraid of it obviously didn’t understand the problem. Much of what is in my fear of flying program and book was learned dealing with the fear of flying an unsafe plane. Writer Tom Wolfe called this ability to face danger and keep a cool head “the right stuff.” What I hope to do is give readers enough of “the right stuff” — not to be an astronaut or a fighter pilot, but enough to face the very small risk posed by flying a modern jetliner.

What is fear of flying?

Fear of flying is about uncertainty. This uncertainty takes two forms, physical and emotional. On one hand, will the plane crash? On the other hand, will I have a panic attack? Uncertainty leads to “what ifs.” What if the wing falls off? What if the mechanic didn’t tighten a bolt? What if I lose control and do something crazy? What if I have a heart attack? In the anxious flier’s mind, too many things can go wrong, and if anything goes wrong, they are doomed.

Where does it come from?

It has a lot to do with growing up. When we go out as teenagers, our mom tells us to be careful; we think she is from some other planet. What could go wrong? But, in our 20s, we become more aware of risk and vulnerability. When we realize something awful could happen, being in control becomes important. And, if being in control doesn’t guarantee our safety, we want some means of escape as a backup. This is where the airline passenger runs into trouble. Passengers have no control; nor is escape available at 30,000 feet. As a person starts to board, a heightened awareness that they are about to give up control and escape can make it impossible for them to get on the plane. Sometimes this awareness increases after a bad flight. But just as often, it comes out of the blue.

People don’t want to spend years in therapy and a fortune — can fear of flying be treated?

Yes, and it doesn’t take years of therapy. In fact, most forms of therapy will not help. Fortunately, brain scan research has given us new information about how the brain works. Understanding how emotion is regulated has made it possible to fix problems with flying. It has shown us ways to control anxiety automatically. The feelings people suffer from when flying are caused by an excess of stress hormones. When we stop the stress hormones, we stop the problem. By training the mind not to release stress hormones, we stop the feelings of fear, claustrophobia, and panic when flying. My book has a comprehensive program that helps readers accomplish just this.

What makes you and your book different from others?

Quick and truly effective results. Books by pilots fail to get results because there is more to the problem than knowing flying is safe; feelings still develop when a passenger is not in control or able to get out if they start to panic. Books by psychologists are based on cognitive therapy and relaxation exercises which work on the ground but have their limitations up in the air.

The method in my book helps flyers to control feelings automatically and has been tested by almost 9,000 formerly anxious fliers. It allows them to fly like others do. This is accomplished by leading the anxious flier through the steps that train the mind to ignore what happens on the plane, and to stop releasing stress hormones that cause high anxiety, claustrophobia, and panic.

For more tips on conquering your fear of flying check out Captain Bunn’s book Soar: The Breakthrough Treatment for Fear of Flying.

For tips on overcoming fears and achieving success check out my book BE FEARLESS: Change Your Life in 28 Days.

Your Optimism Needs A Dose Of Reality — And Vice Versa
According to Paralympic medalist Bonnie St. John, success comes from dreaming big while staying realistic and getting up when you get knocked down.


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