Joanna: Everybody knows that pointy hat means “ready to party.” Dad wins.
Carol: Agreed. Dad has embraced the celebratory nature of the festivities. Kid is so over it he leaves ME feeling over HIM.
Katla: Can no one else see that they are being attacked by flying lobsters? That said, kudos to the dad for keeping his cool.
WINNER: Our new lobster overlords, who will have no tolerance for stanky attitudes about partying.
Joanna: T-shirt ring alert! T-shirt ring alert! Sound the T-shirt ring alarm!
Carol: The first rule of Fight Club should have been, “Do NOT over-accessorize.” Dude wins.
Katla: Although I too cannot stop staring at that T-shirt ring, it’s far more fashionable than Pa’s hat. My vote is for Ma.
WINNER: The T-shirt ring manufacturer’s viral marketing team.
Joanna: All hat floppiness levels being equal, the woman on the far right is the only one who doesn’t look like she’s thinking “I wish you were all dead.”
Carol: Woman on the left is trying to hard to rock a red carpet pose, and the woman on the right couldn’t even be bothered to make a 1/4 turn. Giving it to the effortless grace of the woman in the middle.
Katla: The woman on the far right gets my vote for not having even ONE wrinkle or fold in her shirt. Does she even have a torso? I’m concerned.
WINNER: Woman on the left for having the right attitude, if not the right photographer.
Joanna: Sorry, lady. I think a mustache is required to really pull off a turtleneck + glass of wine combo.
Carol: Her sweater has buttons, which means she can take it off and burn it more quickly. Default win.
Katla: I honestly can’t choose. What are they looking at? Why are they drinking wine in a snowy woods without coats? I have too many questions. It’s a tie.
WINNER: The man, because we like to reward boldness, and… Damn.
Simple White Tees
Joanna: I can’t believe these babies are trying to pass this off as an outfit. Zero personality.
Carol: I’m not convinced the baby on the left even understands this is a fashion shoot. Get it together.
Katla: The baby on the right understands that you always look better when you tilt your head down in photos. That kid has a future in modeling (or at least great selfies).
WINNER: Baby on the right, for not being an embarrassment to humanity.
Glasses with Fake Nose and Mustache
Joanna: The little girl’s false nose is clearly the wrong size for her face. Tailoring is so important.
Carol: Sorry, I can’t see anything that past that red Communist t-shirt. Keep your politics out of it, kid.
Katla: I have to go with the boy. That girl can barely support herself!
WINNER: Karl Marx.
Black & White
Joanna: Is the young lady on the right attached to that plastic?
Carol: I don’t think this packaging is recyclable. We all lose.
Katla: You guys are missing the most important point: the woman on the left is the REAL woman an the woman on the right is the clone she just purchased on Amazon. Gotta give my vote to the actual human.
WINNER: The guy in “The Graduate” who foresaw the future of plastics.
Joanna: Sorry, woman on the right–minus 5 points for your bad attitude and minus one million points for your boyfriend’s hat.
Carol: Points to the woman on the right. If someone’s wearing the same outfit as you, differentiate your look by being a total a-hole.
Katla: I have to agree with Joanna. The boyfriend’s hat and tie are the most offensive thing in the picture. Points go to the lady on the left for at least getting her date to color-coordinate.
WINNER: Every woman alive who doesn’t end up marrying the guy on the right.
Pink Polka Dots
Joanna: The dog looks fine. And I guess that’s the problem. No “wow” factor.
Carol: When you’ve got a headband, everyone wins. Nuff said.
Katla: Sure, she has a matching headband. But the dog’s TONGUE matches its outfit! You can’t mess with Mother Nature.
WINNER: The dog, for reasons far too profound to be explained through this post.
Joanna: Let’s be real. The woman on the right’s wand thing appears to have more stuff on it. She wins.
Carol: This photo is where the phrase “handsome woman” came from. Hard to choose, but I’m going to go with woman on the left for the slightly long skirt. There’s nothing handsomer than modesty.
Katla: Bowler hats really need to come back into style. That is all.
WINNER: Joanna, Carol and Katla for dishing out their fashion advice in such an expert manner. Truly a public service.
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