So what’s the difference?
When you actively look for a sign or message, you’re setting yourself up for being misled, confused and overwhelmed.
You’re actively looking for a sign on whether or not you should take the job, move to a different city or end your relationship, and next thing you know, everything’s a sign, and you still have no idea what you should do.
You see a dog crossing the street with a blue collar and think, “Yes, that’s the sign! I should move to a place near the ocean!” Then you see a commercial with happy young folk in the city and wonder, “Hmmm… this could be the sign. Maybe I should stay in the city.” A roll of paper towels falls off the counter, must be a sign. Someone knocks on the door so many times, a sign. Do you see where I’m going with this?
When we actively seek out signs and messages from the Universe, we’re letting our mind do the work. Your mind can easily argue, sway and support each option or direction without any problems. It’s logical, rational and can weigh the pros and cons like a champ, but it can’t feel what’s right for you. So when you let your mind do the sign reading, suddenly you’re even more overwhelmed by the possibilities and potential signs.
When you state your question clearly and then release it to the Universe, allowing yourself to be open and receptive to the answers, you find clarity, synchronicity and guidance. It never fails.
Get clear on what it is that you need support and guidance around…
Should I move to a new city, or is this the place for me?
Is this the right relationship for me?
Do I really want this job, or do I want something different?
Ask the questions, take a deep breath and release it to the Universe. Stop thinking about it and engage in the present moment. Go to work, be with the guy, do what you normally do around the city. Don’t go into your head to try and “sort it out” or seek a sign. Just be… and be open.
The Universe works through people, and signs can come in many forms. A video that your friend forwards you with an underlying message that sparks a sense of knowing in your soul. A series of status updates, shares or tweets that you’re able to feel a common thread between. A question in an advertisement that sparks clarity. An article, billboard or random string of conversations that raises the hairs on your neck.
This is knowing.
Knowing doesn’t come from seeking and forcing.
Knowing comes from…
1) Being clear on where you need guidance. Ask your question clearly, where exactly do you need support, answers or guidance?
2) Releasing it to the Universe. No more weighing the options in your mind. Send it off and trust that it’s been heard.
3) Engaging in the present moment. Just be present in your life and tuned into your body. Your intuition lives in your body, and if you want to know the answers and be able to receive them, you have to be engaged in it, not your mind.
4) Staying open and receptive. If you have to think about whether or not it’s a sign or guidance, it’s not. You’re forcing it. If something is said or comes on your radar that sparks a physical reaction — a clear sense of truth — you have your answers.
So tell me…
What do you need guidance and support on?
Use the steps above to find your answers.
Stephenie Zamora is the founder of www.stepheniezamora.com;, a full-service, life-purpose development, design and branding boutique. Here she merges the worlds of personal development and branding to help young women build passion-based businesses. Click here to download her free guide, “The Unexpected Trick to Transforming Your Life With ONE Single Question.”
For more by Stephenie Zamora, click here.
In reality, how is it our job to hold others accountable? Meaning, what exactly do we do to enforce it, when we speak that statement?
Punish them for not coming through, by yelling, the silent treatment, ignoring them, complaining… taking one of their toys away? What exactly are we doing by being their parent or punisher?
Many of us think if we speak words of personal conviction it actually means something to the other person. It might for a minute or two, but when we continue to act in ways, which contradict or don’t support our own words, the other person thinks we don’t mean it.
I’m not talking about threats and following through on them (that’s what I call controlling manipulation). I am talking about our making statements about how we need something or how we feel… if our own actions don’t honor our words, how can we expect anyone else to?
If we ask our mate to do something or show up in a certain way and they don’t, what can we do?
It helps to first gain some clarity. If our mate disappointed us by not following through on something they agreed to, then we need to discuss it with them. We need to listen to what they want to tell us (not what we want to hear, but what they want to say), and then we need to accept it.
At that point, we need to honestly state our truth without beating them up. We share from the focus on exactly how we feel now, not the other 32 times they let us down by not cleaning the litter box. Some people will not want to hear our words. Some may try to tell us our feelings are not valid (and right there is a great place to insert, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I feel how I feel.”) And others may apologize, but yet take no action or make false promises.
If there is true understanding and desire to have the relationship remain healthy, then it is can’t be pushed under the rug. There is always an impact on the relationship when disappointment has happened… and it is an opportunity for two people to work together or it can push them further apart.
Communicating all the time, so everyone is clear is great, but again, let’s say we have a conversation about being disappointed and our partner continues to let us down, what do we do if we don’t punish him or her?
We ask ourselves how we feel. Many of us have a sore feeling of lack, which is why we hold our mates accountable. They need to show us we’re worthy and when they don’t come through, for many of us it is an indictment to our level of self-worth. Our mate has once again proven how unlovable we are when we stand in lack.
When we gain some clarity, we can ask ourselves deeper questions. Are our needs met in other ways? Is this a significant incident in the overall treatment we receive in the relationship — is it the standard operating system of our partner to not respect us? Do we feel we’re swallowing our honor or our value?
Then we turn the questions inward on ourselves and ask, “Are we meeting our own needs? How do we treat ourselves? Are we respecting our own boundaries? Are we saying what we mean and backing it with action?”
If we’re remiss in how we treat us, so are others. We must practice self-care, love and respect. In self-care, we shift the control of ourselves from waiting or wanting someone else to fulfill us, to making sure we are honoring ourselves. We must begin with self-acceptance, which includes where we may judge ourselves harshly too. Often, those who have a huge inner-critic also are home to a badass judge who perceives others with a heavy gavel.
Self-care doesn’t mean we do everything on our own. It just means that we’re willing to do what we need to make sure we’re taken care of and that includes having boundaries for how we want to be treated.
It always comes back to us when we’re talking about accountability. If we’re serious about a relationship, we need to be clear on those boundaries and what it means to uphold them.
And if we’re not treated appropriately by others and we’re treating ourselves with respect and love, then it is probably time to re-evaluate our expectations of what the relationship is giving to us. Settling when we really love ourselves is not an option, it’s when we don’t really love ourselves that we want to hold everything outside of us accountable for that lack.
In conclusion, speak up with love, look within our thoughts and feelings to get clear follow through with action to back up our words, thoughts and feelings.
Sgt. Maj. of the Army Raymond Chandler said that ink visible below the elbows or knees or above the neck will be forbidden for new soldiers. Existing tattoos may be grandfathered in, after a conversation with a supervisor that includes getting advice about how to remove them on the soldier’s nickel.
For the record, Army Regulation 670-1 already prohibits tattoos anywhere on the head, face and neck above the class A uniform collar — as well as anything considered extremist, indecent, sexist or racist. So the only thing new here is the Army’s intention to actually enforce things.
Nevertheless, I’m giving this one a 21-gun salute. I’m of the generation that associates tattoos with people who served time in prison and Nazis who tattooed my relatives in concentration camps as a nifty way of keeping track of them. Some impressions just don’t go away.
Yes, I know body art is in vogue these days and 23 percent of Americans have tattoos, according to a Pew Research poll from 2010. I also know that not all of them are silly teenagers who think a tat makes them look cool; 32 percent of people ages 30 to 45 sport at least one piece of body art. The way I read that is: 77 percent of us don’t have tattoos. Me? I look at those delicate flowers on the perky breasts of young women I see at the beach and keep imagining a nursing home filled with drooping roses.
And say what you will, but there are also certain work sectors where tats are considered undesirable, if not downright inappropriate. The New York Times reported that 61 percent of human-resource managers surveyed by the Center for Professional Excellence at York College of Pennsylvania in 2012 said a tattoo would hurt a job applicant’s chances, up from 57 percent in 2011. So no, not everybody loves them even if Lena Dunham does.
Soldiers, at least those on Military.com, also seem to be quite fond of their ink — I get that too. And I totally get the seeming unfairness of ignoring the policies while the military wanted to enhance its ranks while wars were being fought. The initial reactions among the soldiers — at least those online — has been largely negative. The obvious question many ask is how a tattoo can possibly impact their ability to do the job. Others point out that tattoos are a huge part of the Army’s own culture, with many soldiers decorating their bodies with memorials to fallen comrades.
But at the end of the day, I am still shouting Hallelujah. Tattoos look unprofessional. Chandler said tightening the “grooming code” was an attempt to recognize soldiers’ individual achievements rather than having them stand out for their appearance.
The Army had me at “looking professional.” Tattoos went mainstream long after I started putting orthotics in my comfort shoes, and I sit firmly entrenched in the generation who think they can create a bad first impression — with us and with citizens of other nations who they encounter. Sure styles have changed and you can deface your body however you see fit. But for our soldiers representing our country, I’d rather you proclaim that you were “born to be wild” under your shirt sleeves.